Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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