just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
