so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
