She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
