Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize