WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
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so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
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The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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