my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
