His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
