We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
