My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
