I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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