If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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