Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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