I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
