it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
