Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
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i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
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I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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