Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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