do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my phone needs a breathalizer
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
