bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
