I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
