I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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