she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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