I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
