my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
