She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
