So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i out mim tonsoeep
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