AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
