Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
