Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
