Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
