I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
