dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
