dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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