Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Houston, we have a squirter
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
