My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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