Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i want to swaddle you in tequila
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
