Do you still have your period?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
