That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
