I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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