Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
