my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
