Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
