How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
