The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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