so that wasnt chicken after all
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
