i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
