why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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