Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
