my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
