when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
