Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
