We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
