who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
