My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
