I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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