I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
