i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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