You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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