i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
