I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
