Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
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