I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
