I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We had to coat check the pizza.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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