That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The feeling are messing with the penis
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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