So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
