So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
