Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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