remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
