Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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