Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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