Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
